If you are going to invite people to your wedding you ought to make the thing memorable. I've been to several weddings where this advice was not heeded. I would tell you some things about them, but I don't remember.
I went to a wedding one New Year's eve. The pastor pronounced the couple man and wife at the stroke of midnight. They are now divorced, but I still remember.
I went to an engagement party that turned into a surprise wedding. That was memorable.
One memorable couple provided washtubs filled with iced Dr. Peppers at their reception. They divorced, but you can't beat a cold Dr. Pepper.
One December I went to three straight Saturday weddings. I only remember one. They served shrimp at the reception.
One couple held their reception in one of those big antebellum houses and served some killer sweet tea. I remember the tea. I also remember the bride's father on the sidewalk yelling, "I paid for this wedding and I can't get a damn parking space in front of the building!" after a considerable hike to said antebellum home from somewhere up the street.
I've been to a couple of weddings where the bride and groom faced the audience. One of the couples, alas, is divorced.
My grandmother went to a wedding once and I sat in the truck and listened to the radio. I was about ten. I don't remember why I wasn't wedding-worthy.
I wore a leisure suit to a wedding when I was twelve. Yes, I have photos. No, you can't see them.
When Joan and I were dating, she was in a wedding. On a Saturday morning. At 10:00 a.m. Lewis Grizzard once quipped that you should never get married in the morning because it ruins the whole day. This couple should have listened to Lewis. Divorced.
I went to a Jehovah's Witness wedding where the pastor preached a sermon before the ceremony and everyone stood up the whole time.
I went to a Catholic wedding with full Mass. I needed to shave again before it finished.
I went to a wedding with a sit-down dinner for about one hundred. Counting Joan, the kids, and me, there were four white people.
I was in a wedding once. It was my only experience in a tuxedo. I would tell you how it turned out, but you can probably guess.
One of these days I'm going to tally up the weddings I've attended and see how many stuck. Or maybe not. I'm sure the count would exceed the number of times I've typed "weedings" while composing this post, and that would be sad.
I went to a wedding today. Another reception at an older home (I started to say antebellum but 1880 doesn't qualify). What I will remember?
- The bride's shoulder tattoo peeking through the back of her veil.
- Bride and groom pouring different colored sand into a glass tube.
- Young ladies are doing very expressive things with cleavage nowadays.
- A huge salad completely topped with rings of fried green tomatoes. Yes, you read that right.
